All comers are welcome to enter this ground-breaking festival of pageantry and femininity which has been re-imagined to esteem our modern view of what it means to be Miss Upper Valley. 

Despite its historical reputation as the global melting pot and land of equal opportunity, America has been recently outed by the really-super-smart types in colleges and universities as none of the above. 

Milwaukee, Wisconsin was the site of this year’s first Republican Primary Debate and the crowd of cheese-loving patriots were not disappointed as the candidates produced plenty of cheesy moments.

The DOJ has announced they will be requiring all personnel to commit to weekly training videos featuring “Where’s Waldo” “Dora the Explorer” and old episodes of “The Pink Panther”.  

Capitalizing on the smashing success of another month of pride, the crypto-fascists at Black Rock have excitedly announced they will be sponsoring Greed Month this coming December.

Vermont, once the first colony in the union to abolish slavery, has been rumored to be yet another state ready to see it’s nearly 3% Christian population fleeing to safer spaces like Florida.

A stunned online community was awash with concern over what this means for religion, spirituality and the price of yoga classes in the near future. 

When asked about the inspiration for the new crime fighting team F.B.I. Director Christopher Wray explained they were an homage to one of his favorite historical memories, the movie “Star Wars”.

Vermont is quickly becoming an end of life getaway for those wishing to fall into the arms of Morpheus for all of eternity.