Satire

Progressives propose Vermont change name to Green Cloud State

by Johnny Bananas

Riding the high of legal marijuana sales throughout the state, Progressive Party elected officials feel it’s time for an official name change. Anticipating the verdant hills of Vermont soon to be covered in fields of pot instead of poplars, these high-minded legislators think the time for change has come. 

“Yeah man, you know, it just like occurred to me, man, like, why not call it the Green Cloud State man, you know?” asked Burlington Ward 2 Council member Gene “Cheech” Bergman.  Fellow council members nodded in agreement through a thick cloud of green smoke before taking a vote on which munchies to bring to their next meeting. 

Vermont, known for its natural beauty and picturesque landscapes is becoming a hot spot destination for those wanting to get so high they can’t remember their visit. 

“It’s actually quite clever if you think about it.  They come, spend their money and then forget all of it by the time they get back to their state.  This way we keep development down while increasing state revenue” opined Dave Silberman the “High” Baliff of Addison County.  

The Progressive pow-wow, officially titled the Joint Meeting, is also hoping to pass the following: 

  • Change the names of Woodstock and Bridgewater to Weedstock and Bongwater
  • Change Chittenden County to Chittenden & Chong County
  • Move the capitol to Highgate
  • Change the state bird to Puff the Magic Dragon 
  • Add a 25 mph lane to I-89

Concerned locals and traditional Vermonters were happy to hear they have no plans to change the names of either Rutland or Dummerston. 

Johnny Bananas is the nom de plume of a fake news reporter living in Vermont. Nothing he reports ever actually happened.

Categories: Satire

3 replies »

  1. Sad thing about all the hype about weed now being legal in Vermont is that VT law will probably prevent you from being arrested for using weed. But weed is still illegal under federal law. Anyone wanting to fly a plane, drive a commercial truck or bus, become a cop, join the armed services, get a law license, become a nurse or physician, or do any one of a hundred jobs in the commercial field, will be canned. No company wants stoners working in any job for which the company will have to pay the price if a client is harmed by a person who,uses dope. So, congratulations to Vermont. You scrrew4ed a lot of your youbg people.

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