After electing Joe Biden and then Donald Trump for a second time the American people are being questioned by the international community about their ability to form a coherent thought.  The country that brought the world freedom of speech and true power of the people over their government has fallen from grace to the onlooking world after delivering such crimes against humanity as Drag Queen Story Hour, the Segway and the faked moon landing.  

Despite having all of the symptoms of an empire in decline the power still wielded by this once great nation is enough to change the direction of the global economy, global health and global security.  As the great intergalactic philosopher Yoda once said “Power with great, responsibility power comes”, which is a reminder of how important it is to learn to read good, yet another area where Americans shorts falling they are.  

With the American mid-terms just around the corner the international community via the World Health Organization (WHO) has expressed concerns the leaders of the free world might continue the trend of electing people with the collective IQ of a diseased rat, which is why they have demanded Americans pass a basic IQ test in order to participate in this next election cycle.  

As luck and a $500 payment to the right person would have it, the Bananas organization was able to obtain a copy of the test questions for our privileged readers.  However, since our business doesn’t run on fairy dust and trust fund magic the answers will be made available by clicking on the link at the end of the quiz which will take you to our mostly secure Digital Internet Currency Exchange Yield (DICEY).  Let’s get started!

1. America’s Founding Fathers 

a. Were a collection of enlightenment thinkers who sought freedom 

b. Were a bunch of white slave owners who hated the blacks

c. Were a bunch of cross dressers who escaped religious persecution to enjoy “freedom of assembly” (wink-wink)

d. Have yet to pay child support despite multiple court orders

2. The Fourth of July is:

a.  Also known as Independence Day commemorating America’s birth as a nation 

b.  The day we blow sh*t up and watch Birth of a Nation 

c. Tom Cruise’s greatest acting performance next to his role in Tropic Thunder  

d. Before the fifth of July

3.  America’s most famous Founding Fathers include:

a. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin and James Madison 

b. George Jefferson, Booker T. Washington, Aretha Franklin and James Brown 

c. George Bush, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein

d. Bill Cosby, Ward Clever, Mike Brady and Homer Simpson

4. A pandemic is:

a. A global health crisis 

b. When one of the top three makers of pharmaceuticals releases a new vaccine 

c. An opportunity to work from home

d. A psychological operation used to curtail people’s freedoms
e. All of the above

5. The COVID pandemic began:

a. In a wet market in Wuhan, China 

b. In a laboratory in Wuhan, China 

c. In a meeting of the Freemasons in the City of London

d. In a Dean Koontz novel 

e. Because of Climate Change

6. The best practices to avoid COVID infection were:

a. Social distancing, remaining locked down in your home, wearing a mask & vaccination 

b. Diet and exercise, washing your hands regularly, restful sleep and sunshine

c. Bleach injected into your veins and six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon 

d. Whatever Rachel Maddow, Anthony Fauci, and the lady with the scarves told me to do

7.  The benefits of the COVID vaccine were:

a. 100% immunity from the virus 

b. myocarditis, pericarditis, blood clots and thrombocytopenia 

c. record profits for Big Pharma

d. a burger and fries

e. choreographed dancing nurses

8. The WHO stands for:

a. The World Health Organization 

b. The World Hantavirus Organizers 

c. The Widely Hated Organization

d. Global Centralized Communism

9. Our Founding Fathers envisioned:

a. A free press, free markets, freedom of speech and freedom of worship 

b. free healthcare, free education, free internet and free drug needles 

c. free internet, free access to AI, free data centers and Freemasons

d. Feee Willy, free range chickens, free chips and salsa and free shipping

10.  The Hantavirus is so named from:

a. The Hantaan river in Korea famous for it’s rat pastries 

b. The Hebrew slang word “hanta” which means a lie or scam 

c. The Disney children’s series Hanta Montana

d. The rat deity Hanta Klaus 

A passing score of five out of ten will get you the new voter ID card issued by the Department Of Open Fair and United Selectors (DOOFUS).  

Begin by filling out the following test screener: 

Johnny Bananas is the nom de plume of a fake news reporter living in Vermont. Nothing he reports ever actually happened. This is satire, folks.