Satire

Bananas: Antifa Changing Name To Protifa After Realizing They Love Fascism

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Mark Bray, former Dartmouth College lecturer and author of the Antifa handbook, has given his blessing to the more positive name “Protifa.”

By Johnny Bananas

The militant arm of America’s new protest culture known as Antifa announced via social media that they will be changing their name.  The group’s name derives from “antifaschistisc”, a 1930s era German word associated with a group of anti-Nazi radicals.  It would later be associated with anti-fascist groups in Italy.  

After having so much success as the foot soldiers for former Nazis George Soros and Klaus Schwab, from whom Antifa has drawn considerable financial support, the group is rethinking both its name and image. Group leaders, who wish to remain anonymous, have recently given a press release stating they will now go by Protifa after three straight summers of success and support by both the US government and many US corporations.  

“Fascism sucks until you can use it for your cause” said one member who was recently released from jail after serving six hours of a twelve year sentence for arson, armed robbery, vandalism, and child molestation.  

Also seeing a change are the all black uniforms with black facemasks worn by Antifa members since the early rioting in 2016.  New corporate sponsors Adidas will be making a lighter, more breathable black jumpsuit with white pinstripes borrowing a page from 1950s mobsters, coupled with a sensible street shoe complete with steel toes and heel compartment that can hold small explosives or up to a 3” blade. 

Dartmouth college historian Mark Bray, author of Antifa: The Antiefascist Handbook  has given his blessing to the change. 

“Antifa is ready to go pro!” said Bray. “Protifa is a much more positive message, and one we hope will inspire kids to look to us for role models.”

When asked if he was concerned for the children’s safety due to the pedophiles among Protifa’s ranks he stayed true to his positivism commenting “Absolutely not.  If anything it will lead to member retention at both ends.” 

Johnny Bananas is the nom de plume of a fake news reporter living in Vermont. Nothing he reports ever actually happened. This is satire, folks.

Categories: Satire

10 replies »

  1. Conservatives and liberals really don’t know what fascism is. It’s not some word you can fit into anything that you don’t like,(something that the western world does).
    Call antifa what it really is, anarchists whiny babies.
    Calling them fascists is the most furthest thing from the truth.
    https://youtu.be/ICmU43Pubyk

    • Fascism is state power wedded to corporate power, hence the part about Antifa getting US govt and corporate support.

      Also, “most furthest” is improper grammar FYI.

      Thanks for the feedback though.

      • The quote you are referring to does not show up in any records until the 90s.
        You are also confusing corporatism to corporatocracy.
        Corporatocracy is what antifa is being funded by because big business is an internationalist presence.

  2. This is is like the late1940’s. Remember the Margret Sanger’s Eugenics program was name changed to Planned Parenthood. All about eliminating the Black from the population…. Still going on today. I guess the fact that that program lead to the extermination of 10s of millions of blacks , Jews, infirmed, retarded and basically any undesirable human living and trying to live or trying to be born. Same old Same old. Just remember the new game… sorry, name.

      • I wish to point out that this is NOT funny, nor satire. Try and remember that in recent history, around the obama yrs a big voter fraud and criminal type organization Acorn changed its name to SEIU . You remember Acorn… The people who brought us Occupy Wall Street, camping in city parks as a protest, ( to disrupt frankly anything) among other places. What about it’s role in voter fraud?
        https://www.projectveritas.com/investigation/acorn/
        This is actually a big thing the Dem/Progressives have done for about 100 yrs. if not longer, as they have been doing and scamming for at least that long. I won’t even bring up the commonality of BLM today and the Black Panthers of the 60s / 70s. No this is not funny.

    • I have asked many times but have never received any report of any black female being forced to have an abortion. This “black genocide” propaganda has always been just that – propaganda, and I find it very racist to assume black women are all too stupid to make a reproductive decision. The FACT that blacks spend a lot of their time killing each other means that no one else needs to help them do it.