by Johnny Bananas

The scientific community is dull if they are anything. Like with hurricanes the most fun they seem to have is naming them. Ironically they are given such innocuous sounding names as Irene, and Chloe despite their devastating consequences. In fairness, I have met a few Irenes and, let’s just say, one can never be too safe around them. 

Earlier this week we were less than surprised to hear we have swiftly moved beyond the Delta variant, which came quickly after the Amtrak and before the Jet Blue variant, and are now all the way down to Omicron. No, Omicron is not a member of the Transformer bad guy bandits known as the Decepticons, although it may as well be. In the field of virology, rather than pin the carnage on some poor lady’s name, they prefer to hang it on the Greeks. As well they should, because the Greeks and their predilection for pederasty, no doubt gave us a few viruses. 

Omicron is the fifteenth letter of the Greek alphabet. The more common Greek letter beginning with O most are familiar with is Omega. Notice the contrast? O-mega versus O-micron. Though I’m not a scientist I know my way around a Wikipedia page, and, despite my public school education, I can read good. Where O-mega means “large” or “final” O-micron literally means “small”. 

DO NOT BE DECEIVED. Just because the virus is literally tiny and carries with it the power of a tiny name, this will be a VERY big deal to your globalist overlords. Why? Another, not so small viral strain has been going around in the media, though the media seems to be less concerned by it. Which is it, you ask (with the approval of your computer’s AI)? The champion of childhood chlamydia jet-set elite maven on trial – Ghislane Maxwell. 

Or as I like to refer to it, the Moronic variant. 

Though you no doubt have been a semi-willing participant in both covering up your face in order to cover up their crimes, the global elite cannot have you peeking around into their private affairs – that’s their job. Surveillance is a one-way street, you morons. If it went both ways it would be called accountability. What self-respecting socialist child trafficking pedophile would risk their carefully crafted reputation with something as absurd as letting a bunch of moronic plebes keep them accountable? HOW IS ANYONE GOING TO GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING THEN, YOU MORONS?!? 

I apologize for raising my text-voice to all-caps, but I can’t be bothered explaining all of this to you idiots (no offense) in the middle of a pandemic. 

Suffice it to say that while the Maxwell civil trial featured such names as Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton, Beyonce Knowles, Kanye West, Sony Records, Def Jam, Disney, Jay-Z, the NYPD, and over 100 Jane and John Does, this trial will feature a sheer wall of silence and distractions courtesy of Christmas and a crypto-satanic panic in the form of variant after variant until you are so demoralized you barely have the strength to shake your head in disgust let alone lift your arm for your sixteenth booster shot. Your moronic state of disillusionment and defanged desire to speak up about anything other than the approved company line thanks to the soul-destroying game you’ve been losing by being compliant, is as good as a vaccine to your invisible masters. 

It’s not your health that matters – it never has been. You are a moron, and they know it. They count on it. Why else would they brazenly traffic your children then kill the man most responsible for it right in front of you, then tell you the MOST HIGH PROFILE CRIMINAL in the United States, being held in the MOST PROTECTED SUICIDE WATCH CELL IN THE WORLD, was being guarded by two fellow-morons who FELL ASLEEP WHILE TWO EQUALLY MORONIC CAMERAS QUIT WORKING so a man who had declared to his girlfriend earlier that week he “WASN’T SUICIDAL” could not hang himself with a power cord that was disallowed in the cell. 

Luckily, there is an morono-clonal antibody you can take to protect yourself from this new variant. Secret studies show your moronic immune system is compromised by watching too much cable tv news (yes, even Fox), and that alternative news treatments can be helpful in building up immunity to fake news and deceptive messages intended to replicate your moronitude. 

Headlines like “Five of the Six Heads of State Opposed to the Vaccine Die In Suicide Pact” will be easily ferreted out of your ulcerated cranium as you develop immunity. We all know they were assassinated and replaced by puppets of course, because people get extra suicidal when the elite are involved. 

Isn’t that right, Hurricane Hillary? 

Johnny Bananas is the nom de plume for a Vermont-based fake news satirist.