Because It's Friday

Babylon Bee: Warren condemns Underground Railroad for tricking slaves into escaping

By the Babylon Bee (Satire)

BOSTON, MA — Senator Elizabeth Warren is condemning the Underground Railroad for using devious and deceptive tactics to trick slaves into escaping their masters.

“This Underground Railroad was just there to fool people into finding freedom when they really just wanted to be slaves,” said Warren angrily to local reporters while applying some red war paint. “Slaves loved being slaves, and many slaves reported that becoming a slave was the best decision they ever made. Their masters fed them and cared for them! The anti-choice Underground Railroad didn’t know what’s best for them like we Democrats do. We should have shut this down across the country.”

Democrat experts are in agreement that slavery is in the best interests of slave health and that Abolitionists interfered in very personal life decisions that should be left between a slave and her master.

“These disgusting tactics used by abolitionists are just another way to push their pro-freedom religion on the rest of us,” exclaimed Warren.

At publishing time, Warren said it’s also time to do something about deceptive pregnancy resource centers.

Everything you read on the Babylon Bee is satire.

Categories: Because It's Friday

4 replies »

  1. As satire, they hit the mark. It should be a well known fact that the dems of that time used that exact argument to keep slavery alive and kickin. Do I believe EW is capable of saying such a thing like that. Well she does say she is “indian” , even when she did a dna test that said different. They need to say something like, “Blacks are equal to whites” or “life begins at conception” Maybe a joke but I think in their heart, that is what they think. Just look at any of their histories.
    Oh, here is a better one. “We can’t let negroes swim in the town pool, we would have to drain and clean it each time before our kids can use it again and that’s just too much*.”
    *Negroes With guns quote.

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