By Johnny Bananas
Exciting times are these when a New World is emerging, full of self-proclaimed global champions who use their powers of illumination to cast long shadows over the rest of we-the-easily-herded-masses. Seasons change, like the climate, and so do religions. Usually during this holiday season, we regale one another with songs of merriment as a reminder of the hope that lies with Christmas. A hope that condescended from on high to offer salvation to a world in great need.
However, COVID has emerged as a new religion and its high priests condescend from tv screens to regale us with reminders that pandemics, like Christ, can extend into eternity. This New World Religion offers salvation in a needle, which would be frowned upon were it heroin, but since it’s an experimental gene therapy, makes for a great, recently FDA approved, stocking stuffer for your lab rats, err, children.
This new religion, in order to capture the heart of the soon to be inoculated, whether they like it or not, must indeed enjoin a musical companion to buoy it along its path to total world conquest. Tyranny does its best work with a soundtrack. Just ask Wagner.
So, it is my great pleasure to share this offering, perhaps the first, to begin the binding of what will no doubt be the hymnal to the cult that is COVIDIOCRACY!
The Twelve Days of COVID
On the first day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, TO-TAL IDIO-CY!
On the second day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, two vaccines for you a-a-nd me!
On the third day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, ignoring herd immunity!
On the fourth day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, believing masks protect you from me!
FOUR face masks, THREE big herds, TWO vaccines and TO-TAL IDI-O-CY!
On the fifth day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, deifying St. Fau-ci!
On the sixth day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, wa-tching C-N-N!
On the seventh day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, blaming climate change on white supremacy!
On the eighth day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, believing suicide killed Epstein!
EIGHT suicidal, SEVEN climates changing, SIX fake newsies, FIVE St. Faucis, FOUR face masks, THREE big herds, TWO vaccines and TO-TAL IDI-O-CY!
On the ninth day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, cheering Cuomo-sexuality!
On the tenth day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, getting booster nu-mber three!
On the eleventh day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, locking down in-def-i-nite-ly!
On the twelfth day of COVID ‘twas COVIDIOCY, canceling Christmas and Eve!
TWELVE No Christmas, ELEVEN lock downs, TEN booster shots, NINE #metoos, EIGHT suicidal, SEVEN climates changing, SIX fake newsies, FIVE St. Fauci’s, FOUR face masks, THREE big herds, TWO vaccines and TO-TAL IDI-O-CY!
(Set to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” and sung in F major)
Merry COVID and Happy New World Order!
May Pfizer bless us, every one.
Johnny Bananas is the nom de plume of a fake news reporter living in Vermont. Nothing he reports ever actually happened. This is satire, folks.