Commentary

Bananas: Master Class on How to New World Order When You’re Old

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Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

By Johnny Bananas

If you’re unfamiliar with the term New World Order it’s likely from one of two things:

  1. You’re old
  2. They’re not ready for you to know about it yet

The New World Order, or Novus Ordo Seclorum for Latinos, is quickly making its way to a country near you, and let’s face it, you’re just not ready. Why?  It’s because you’re too stuck in the old ways, Boomer.  What are those old ways? Put on those horned rim tri-focals and listen closely:

  • Private property
  • Money
  • Freedoms (all of them)
  • Limited government
  • Accountability
  • Justice (not the social kind)
  • Equality (not to be confused with equity)
  • Speaking your mind
  • Monogamy
  • Not being easily offended

Blah, blah, blah, you get the picture.  This is why you’re on anti-depressants and still believe in paying attention.  You are from a time that actually bought into these fairy tale ideas.

The New World Order is coming, whether you like it or not, so you better be prepared.  Which is why we are stoked to offer the mostly inclusive Master Class: HOW TO NEW WORLD ORDER WHEN YOU’RE OLD (it’s so LIT!)!

Modules include:

  • Who Is Klaus Schwab and Why He Will Own Your Stuff?
  • Money or the Mark of the Beast: Which Is More Convenient?
  • Inflation or Hyperinflation: the best of both world orders
  • The Dreaded C-Word: Communism (aka Central Planning)
  • The ABC’s: Apathy, Bureaucracy and COVIDiocracy
  • Embracing the Non-Binary Polyamorous Transnational in You
  • Diversity: Why We Should All Think the Same About It
  • Equity: What’s Mine Is Mine and What’s Yours Is Mine
  • Inclusion: Why It Isn’t for Everyone
  • Social Justice: Just Do It
  • How to Score Touchdowns While Moving the Goalposts
  • Silence Is Golden: How Free Speech Enslaves You
  • Offended? Turning It in To Opportunity
  • Gated Communities and Open Borders: Micro or Macro-aggression?
  • Establishing A 911K account: Defunding the Police and Saving Up for Private Security

And much, MUCH more!

*Early bird sign-up gets you into our New World Humpty Dumpty seminar where we explore how to choose which cultural icons to replace and how to tear down statues without aggravating your arthritis.  We will also be voting on who gets the last spot in the New Mount Rushmore: replacing old racists with new ones:

Karl Marx

Charles Darwin

Margaret Sanger

???

SIGN UP WITH A SMART PHONE THROUGH THE METAVERSE TODAY AND GET OUR 15% OFF FOR USING A.I. DISCOUNT!

COST: $6,660.00 (we do have loan providers charging preferred interest rates starting at 15%)

DATES: Feb 14-18th

TIMES: 10am to 2pm (nap time is 11am-1pm)

LOCATION: The Metaverse (ask your grandkids)

DISCLAIMER: Even though this will be held remotely in your home you must be triple-vaxxed and boosted and wearing at least one, preferably two, masks even if you have any of the following conditions:

  • COPD, Heart Disease, Hypertension, Obesity, Supraventricular Tachycardia, Anxiety, Agoraphobia, Meniere’s Disease, Vertigo, Rheumatism, Country Club Foot, Alzheimer’s, Somhemier’s, Dementia.

We’re in this together, whether you like it or not!

Stay safe,

NWO Team

Johnny Bananas is the nom de plume of a fake news reporter living in Vermont.

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8 replies »

  1. You are literally one of my favorite writers ever. This needs to travel far and wide. Thank you so much for always making me laugh so hard that my children have to ask what the story is. So great. 🙏

    • It’s nice to know, despite the non-tropical nature of Vermont, people here still like some bananas.

      You’re also my new favorite commenter. ☺️

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