By Guy Page
The Scott administration seems fixated on the Covid Creemee.
During Tuesday’s press conference, Health Commissioner Mark Levine suggested handing out coupons for free creemees at vaccination centers to entice young people to get vaccinated.
As with many government proposals, the thought occurs: “interesting idea – but will it work?”
Sure, a creemee – especially the maple creemee, that sexy marriage of our two hometown sweethearts, milk and maple syrup – is yummy. But is it “sure, I’ll let them inject an emergency-approved anti-viral into my body if they’ll give me a creemee” yummy?
Nothing’s that yummy.
Eating a creemee after getting vaccinated isn’t like eating oranges after giving blood. Vitamin C helps your body absorb iron, which makes hemoglobin. Creemees have no medical benefit. Unless you mean the mental health benefit of immediate oral gratification chased by a sweet sugar rush. Those benefits are off the charts.
No, eating a creemee after getting vaccinated is like getting a gift card after voting for Joe Biden (actually happened in Nevada last November). Happy you got the free prize, but wondering if it was the smart move in the long run.
This isn’t the first time the Covid Creemee has been waved around as a public health incentive by a senior administration official. On September 15, White House Covid-19 advisor Dr. James Fauci appeared via Zoom as a special guest to the twice-weekly press conference. “Dr. Fauci, if you were here in person we’d typically try and sweeten you up with our world class maple syrup or maybe even a maple creemee,” Scott told him.
The press corps chuckled politely. Several referred to creemees in their questions. Scott repeated the offer to Fauci. Before signing off, Fauci told Scott he’d love to take him up on his offer for a maple creemee, adding that he’s “an avid ice cream fan.”
But alas, Scott’s enticement hasn’t worked. Fauci has yet to make a public visit to the Green Mountain State. (No word on whether the green-and-yellow scarfed Dr. Elizabeth Birx indulged in a creemee during her Oct. 10 visit to UVM.)
It’s not like the politically powerful Washington elite are deaf to the call of the creemee. Vice-President Mike Pence stopped for a maple creemee at the Sudbury Shoppe near Lake Hortonia two Labor Day weekends in a row (2018-19). No doubt he would have made a soft-serve trifecta in 2020 if for the pandemic.
But that was all upside for Pence. (Although his recent heart surgery might make you wonder if a hard life of too many creemees finally caught up to him.)
So we have both Scott and Levine – #1 and #2 shot-callers, listed in no particular order, for the state’s pandemic and vaccine program – hawking creemees for the Greater Good.
I think this is about transference. I think that these two gentlemen have been under a lot of stress for over a year. I think it’s time they unwound a little with a Triple Maple Creemee.
The TMC (as opposed to THC) won’t muddle your mind. Another popular alternative alternative, alcohol, makes you want to hug someone and sing loudly.
Just think how that would look on the Channel 3 news.
Someone eating a creemee is unlikely to yell or sing or encroach on anyone’s personal space. Quite the contrary! And as Commissioner Levine in particular is concerned about people singing loudly and unmasked in church, I can assure him that in my lifetime of mostly-regular church attendance, I have never – not once – seen anyone stand up and belt out “Victory in Jesus” while slurping on a creemee.
So will more young people get vaccinated if they get a coupon for a creemee afterwards? Hmmm….maybe, if they can also be persuaded that eating creemees is good for climate change.
Photo credit: Phil Scott for Vermont Facebook page, September 2018.