by the Babylon Bee
BURLINGTON, VT — In an address from one of his homes, Bernie Sanders condemned BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors for getting rich off politics and buying four homes.
After it came out that the co-founder of the movement had purchased multiple large homes, Sanders quickly held a press conference condemning her “callous and unfair profiteering.”
“No one in politics should be able to profit off their followers and buy four homes,” Sanders said as he looked out at the quaint Vermont lake near one of his many, many houses. “Four homes? That’s ridiculous. Who needs four homes!? No one, that’s who. Three homes, now, fine, you might have an argument. I could see needing a home near your office, a home in your hometown, and maybe a quiet retreat up in the mountains. Near a lake perhaps. That makes sense. Any politician could use three houses. You’re practically still poor at that point.”
“But four? People who own four homes are the problem with this country.”
Sanders then said he was proposing legislation that anyone who owns four homes be banished to Toledo, Ohio for the rest of their days, while people who own just three homes have statues erected in their honor for their brave fight against capitalism and injustice.
Republished from the April 15 Babylon Bee is the world’s best satire site, totally inerrant in all its truth claims.