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by Johnny Bananas
The masters of political evolution have advanced the game of thrones for the presidency yet again by warning all those considering voting for Donald Trumplestilskins and his VP nominee Jayzee “Jazzy” Vance, to be very, very careful because….the two married heterosexual white men are…just plain weird.
Of course the highly funded priests and priestesses in political media are also concerned their viewers will not be able to figure this out on their own, just like they couldn’t be trusted to figure out who they should nominate for president. So they decided it would be best, after a lengthy midnight cult séance, to ask the spirits which word needed to be repeated on the following day’s broadcasts. What was the overwhelming response to the mediums request? Weird. Say weird a lot. Like as often as you can.
In order for the magic spell to stick it needs to be repeated so often and from so many microphones it becomes part of the social parlance. Incantations work similar to propaganda. It’s just a matter of repeating the thing over and over and over again until your target audience has absorbed it like they’re adult diapers.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
From MSNBC, where host Joy Reid, a black woman with blonde hair, lectures white people on cultural appropriation and racism, to CNN interviewing congressman Eric Swalwell who famously slept with a Chinese spy then literally gas-lit the public about it on live t.v., all the way up to President Vice President Kamala Harris who was blessed with the laughter, charm and title of America’s Wine Mom, the message is abundantly clear – Democrats are united in an almost hermetic trance to warn the masses against hearing any other political message than this – don’t make room in your heart for weird people.
Of course this weirdness doesn’t include men with beards dressed as fairy princesses, or grown adults crawling on all fours dressed as dogs, or feminists fighting for women’s rights while wearing head gear in the shape of labia, because that would be insensitive, bigoted and intolerant. No, the weirdness that needs to be repeatedly denounced on major news networks is much weirder than that.
How weird? Weirder than a Senator turned President serially sniffing small children? Yes even weirder than that. Weirder than his crack-addict son sitting on the board of a Ukranian energy company despite having no experience in the energy sector? Weirder than falling UP stairs repeatedly? Yes, much weirder.
Even weirder than the potential first female president trying to convince black people she’s black by having a black singer nicknamed “the stallion” open her event with songs about how many men she can sleep with thanks to her prominent assets? Or having a film crew follow her to a record store to buy old albums of black singers that are blacker than the album itself? Blacker even than the many hundreds of prisoners she kept in jail beyond their sentences so the state of California could have cheap labor, just like her grand pappy used to.
Thou dost protest too much, you say? Hardly.
I’m talking weirder than gay topless women wearing kiffeya’s in support of Palestinian Muslims who like to chuck gay people off roofs. Weirder than hermaphroditic boxers beating the estrogen out of women at the Olympics. Weirder than a mustachioed cross-dresser kleptomaniac responsible for nuclear waste, or a satanic doctor responsible for curing monkey pox, or even an Olympic ceremony that celebrates the god of orgies with a small child next to a man with his personal piñata hanging out.
Yes even weirder than that.
Could it be weirder than a governor signing a bill calling for tampons to be put in boy’s bathrooms in schools? Or a law allowing minors to receive sex change surgery, and another allowing illegal immigrants to get voter ID?
That is mere child’s play.
It’s even weirder than a socialist Senator worth over a million dollars with three houses and famous set of mittens.
These painfully white guys are, if you can believe it, wanting to make America great again.
And one of them drinks Diet Mountain Dew.
Politica emptor cave.
Johnny Bananas is the nom de plume of a fake news reporter living in Vermont. Nothing he reports ever actually happened. This is satire, folks.
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Categories: Satire
Glad to see that label got to you too. Lets be assured the couch banger and shark expert are much weirder than the other two no matter how you try to frame it. You guys should lean into your creepiness and weirdness, not run away from it. Not like you’re going to be normal.
“a black singer nicknamed “the stallion” open her event with songs about how many men she can sleep with thanks to her prominent assets?” Asking for a friend, is this better or worse than having someone talk about their Only Fans at the RNC to the party of family values? Is this better or worse than the President saying he couldn’t sexually harass someone because they were ugly? (Insert photo of Trump playing tennis)
Rest assured Johnny, no one is weirder (or creepier, or less funny) than you.
That sure is a lot of words to say you have a child-like man crush on me Chris. Very bromantic. Though flattering I can’t reciprocate as I am happily and weirdly married to a gorgeous woman who likes Bananas.
But you let your freak flag fly my friend! There’s room enough amongst us weirdos for even you. 😘
Sorry, Johnny I don’t date weirdos, but I hear JD has a nice love seat he’s not using. Great use of the “I’m rubber, you’re glue” defense. You are as good at comebacks as you are satire. At least I’m original
Despite what your progressive friends have told you, no means no Chris. I told you I’m happily married!
If by original you mean in that sort of Zuckerman “ahead of the curve” way of communicating your feelings, I completely agree.
One might even say weirdly original.
I was not sure it was satire at all.
Take your time. Going full Bananas isn’t a destination but a journey.
Enjoy the ride!
Johnny’s tag line says, “Nothing he reports ever actually happened.” Au contraire! His piece was wonderfully sardonic and perhaps tinged with a bit of satire, but it was loaded with commentary about things that actually happened. That was the beauty of it. He didn’t have to exaggerate or spin the truth to make his point. It was a clever response to the Dems’ hateful—and truly weird—madness. Go, Johnny, go!
it is satire when a high level vermont male politician hands out ladies hygiene products at the vermont state house///
WHO was that?????
NAME NAMES!!!!
CALL THEM OUT!!!!!!
TAKE VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!!
POST THE VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Normal Vermonters & fellow Americans NEED to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was Zuckerman, read the article, its so weird.
https://vtdigger.org/2024/08/06/lt-gov-david-zuckermans-offers-of-menstrual-products-to-lawmakers-prompted-reprimand-from-house-speaker/
Mr. Bananas, but despite all the above-mentioned things being as weird as weird can ever get – isn’t it even weirder yet that the MAJORITY of registered voters in the State of Vermont will nonetheless intentionally vote FOR all this mass weirdness as described and purposefully vote AGAINST the party & persons who seek to adhere to the tenets of the US Constitution and the allegiance to the Rule of Law both whilst committing to uphold the traditional values and mores of our nation’s culture & creed???
Try to tell me that there’s ANYTHING weirder than that.
Let’s start with Donald J Trump, in most peoples eyes he’s crude, rude, crass, and arrogant, but look at how the country was under his administration and what we have today, it’s only taken the ” Biden Administration ” less than four years to turn it into a complete economic disaster, elections have consequences, crooked elections have catastrophic consequences and you are seeing those results today !!
So we have a senile President, put out of commission by the elites, yes those within own his party, and they now have ordained the ” DEI-VP ” as their candidate for POTUS, yes ” word salad ” Harris, desperate people do desperate things……..Boy are they desperate !!
So according to the left and its media the ” Trump / Vance ” ticket is weird, so I’m going with weird to stop all the leftist nonsense !!
Lol! Chris being a robot with the CIA programming week after week. A perfect example of a psychological warfare victim. The mind controllers told him to use “weird” a lot this week. boop beep bop ding boop bing. “hey everyone is weird!” “Prior week, Biden did great … boop beep bop ding boop bing.. uuuuhhh, oh no he did bad, yea bad job” Someone posts a meme against the official narrative … boop beep bop ding boop bing … “Thing they are saying in the media on every single outlet!”
C’mon brother, get your own ideas and personality. You have a double masters, you are better than this.
I’ve stated Johnny was a creeper from Day One. I’m not a Democrat you dolt. Aren’t you a libertarian? Don’t you have to go defend Elon online? Honestly, what have you ever done besides have a fundamental misunderstanding of basic economics? i’M uH lIbErTaRiAn
… boop beep bop ding boop bing … “Elon Musk” … boop beep bop ding boop bing … “Trickle down economics” … boop beep bop ding boop bing … “democrat” … boop beep bop ding boop bing …
Oh you said the same stupid thing again, how will I face my family? For the record, me and my family has done more for the Republican party in Vermont than you ever have and did one thing you MAGA choads can’t. WIN. something that will never happen with dregs like you scaring normal voters away.
… boop beep bop ding boop bing … “MAGA” … boop beep bop ding boop bing … “Republicans”
A bizzare, almost schizo rant about deranged culture war obsessions. You’re not beating that weird charge.
Sounds autobiographical.
The Iron Law of Woke Projection never misses.
Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice
There I’ve said it.
Political satire has been a tool to point out that the emperor is not wearing any clothes for centuries… ever since the Guttenberg… its genius is that beCAUSE it is based on Truth, but is sightly skewed in its approach and delivery… tongue firmly planted in cheek…but…its right over the target: Truth, it IS often taken as just that by those at whom it is aimed. Truth does NOT always wake people up… even delivered with a TIC… so, when someone DOES take offense, or decides to go ahead and publically take offense as the commenter has here… you KNOW you are RIGHT OVER THE TARGET, because that person’s master is TICKED, and that person’s strings are pulled tight to outperform…the TIC TACTIC.
Ohhhhh the joy of scribing… sometimes its just soooooo discrete it lights fires in the other camp: enemy! enemy! enemy! and they send SOMEONE to gaslight the firstarter… LAUGH OUT LOUD!
Trap set and sprung… and we got one, folks!
(With the caveat that satires is the ONLY acceptable means of baiting in my book).
Well said JB… it needed to be, as all satire does if its to be said at all.
The war will be won by the creators of the best memes ever! (Dilley 300 rapid fire cannon artillery!) Honorable mention: the meme of Tim Walz’ face superimposed over the heavy-set “love activist” from the Olympic’s blasphemous opening. Parody is flattering and generates fame seeking attention nonetheless. There is no need to cry or file lawsuits – enjoy the 15 minutes and basking in the hot spotlight.
We should not forget Jussie Smollett’s hate crime hoax January 2019 – Kamala and Tim used him and George Floyd to create division, strife, arson, looting, assaults, and gunfire. Kamala needs to watch out for Hillary – that glass ceiling is hers to break and she takes no prisoners…right Bernie?