A subterranean community of homeless addicts is causing sinkholes in Burlington
by Vinnie Balsamic
Burlington, VT – In a shocking revelation, authorities have uncovered a clandestine network of homeless drug addicts lurking beneath the streets of Burlington, Vermont. This subterranean community, driven by desperation and addiction, has been wreaking havoc on the city, causing a series of mysterious sinkholes that have left residents startled and concerned.
Residents of Burlington had long been puzzled by the sudden appearance of sinkholes in various parts of the city. Local authorities initially attributed these sinkholes to natural causes, such as aging infrastructure and underground water erosion. However, their investigations led them down an unexpected path towards a hidden world beneath their feet.
After months of detective work, law enforcement agencies, in close collaboration with geologists and city officials, discovered a labyrinthine network of tunnels and makeshift shelters in the underground. These tunnels, previously unnoticed by the general public, have become the dwelling places for a community of homeless individuals, many of whom are struggling with drug addiction.
The subterranean community, numbering in the dozens, has managed to fashion a makeshift society within the belly of the city. Their existence beneath the bustling streets of Burlington has allowed them to remain hidden from the prying eyes of law enforcement and the public. The tunnels, which have been dug and expanded over time, provide them with shelter from the elements and a sense of security away from the judgment and scrutiny of society.
However, the consequences of their presence have proved disastrous for the city above ground. The constant digging and excavation by the subterranean community have weakened the structural integrity of the city’s infrastructure, resulting in the formation of sinkholes. These sinkholes have emerged without warning, swallowing cars, sidewalks, and even parts of buildings. Residents are now living in fear of their homes and neighborhoods collapsing into the depths below.
City officials are scrambling to devise a plan to address this unprecedented problem. Alongside efforts to rehabilitate and support the homeless population, engineers and construction crews are working tirelessly to reinforce the compromised areas of the city’s foundation. The cost of repairs is estimated to be in the millions, putting a significant strain on the city’s budget.
While the discovery of this subterranean community has shed light on the plight of the homeless and the urgent need for comprehensive support systems, it has also underscored the extent of the drug addiction crisis gripping the nation. Burlington is yet another city grappling with the devastating consequences of drug abuse, as addicts seek refuge in the depths of the urban landscape.
As the city of Burlington comes to terms with the hidden menace beneath its streets, it is a stark reminder that homelessness and addiction are pressing issues that demand immediate attention. The sinkholes may serve as a physical manifestation of the deeper problems plaguing society, urging us to address the underlying causes and find effective solutions.
Vinnie Balsamic is a fake news reporter whose articles never happened. This is satire, people,
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Categories: Satire
Maybe one of the less-bright bulbs on the City Council tree will cite this article at the next meeting as a reason to further enhance Burlington’s shelter programs…and have to have it publicly explained to them that it is satire.
Made my day with the best laugh I’ve had in a while.
And the posts keep going up……not understanding by any means what this article was about. It is perhaps one of the best examples of how seriously deficient our reading comprehension is, our critical thinking…..and how powerful propaganda can be all wrapped up in an article like this.
This is clear example of how easy it must be for the those in the golden dome to pull over on Vermonters….
show us all the tunnels/// we need an on site video report showing the amount of damage/// where did all the dirt go that was removed///
just more fake news//
This has been the shelter of choice for the homeless of NYC for over a century. The only difference is that in Burlington, listening to the ever so comforting roar and rumble of the subway above to lull you to sleep isn’t possible. But regardless, these will all soon be your new neighbors aboveground once all those thousands of units of “workforce”, DEI Obama equity housing is built in VT. To hell with the environment. Act 250 along with personal accountability be damned! Equitable misery and squalor for all! That’s the Communist way.
Very interesting read ..the absolute possibilities of this taking place …very sad! 😢
This article is awesome……
There is a sink hole, not doubt.
If you post this on front porch forum, the next day you will be surprised at the responses you get, see they can’t see what others are thinking real time. You will be amused and perhaps a bit melancholy when you see how people think.
No doubt that sink hole offers no hope and is very, very deep.
when you think tunnel/// did hamas pop up in your mind///they do not exist in burlington/// maybe they exist in new york city///
This is not satire. It is not funny. Is it true at all? Partial truth? If you are going to write satire, make it satire. Not a falsehood, for whom many it will be true if they do not read the entire article. Shame on a news outlet to mislead, deceive.
Satire aside, there is a whole lot going on under our feet and it is being exposed – if paying attention. A segway into Truth and why the desperation and panic is hitting the Golden Thunder Dome perhaps…..
June 24, 2018 Military News: U.S. Army leaders say the next war will be fought in mega-cities, but the service has embarked on an ambitious effort to prepare most of its combat brigades to fight, not inside, but beneath them. Late last year, the Army launched an accelerated effort that funnels some $572 million into training and equipping 26 of its 31 active combat brigades to fight in large-scale subterranean facilities that exist beneath dense urban areas around the world.
Popular Mechanics June 27, 2023: The U.S. Army recently took part in an underground training exercise, called Exercise Warrior Shield…earlier this year.
The more you know, the more you know the war is real. Word has it the tunnels in Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Maine, stretching in all directions, are being “dealt with” and perhaps the reason for those weird “boom” sounds reported in New Hampshire. We shall see and learn more I’m sure….
For anyone who has actually ever used a shovel, it can immediately be appreciated the level of effort required to pull this off. This was my first thought. Then look around, do you see the ambition required to exert that level of effort? Nuff said.
You mean like this: “US border officials claim an incomplete tunnel found stretching from Mexico to Arizona could be ‘the most sophisticated tunnel in US history’. The tunnel runs from San Luis Río Colorado, Mexico, to San Luis, Arizona, where it stops short of reaching the surface. It is 3ft wide and 4ft high (1 x 1.3 metres) (7.6 miles long). Smugglers have been using tunnels to get drugs and people across the border for decades.” The Guardian 2020
If they can do it there, they can do it anywhere….and they have – existing infrastructure of sewers and subways branch off in many different directions. One runs accross the State House lawn….