WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bit of uplifting news today, a group of senile senior citizens in the D.C. area will finally be able to say that they have jobs.
The federal government is set to hire just over five hundred elderly, mentally incapacitated individuals.
“It’s really touching,” said local woman Jennifer Maxwell. “It’s so important for old people, especially those who have lost their mental functions, to still feel like they can contribute. They just want to feel like they’re a part of something. Getting to see all these geriatrics be able to call themselves employed, to dress up in a suit — it’s special.”
The senior citizens will reportedly be driven to work a few days every month, where several aides will be present to care for them. “There will be several helpers to guide the old folks around and tell them what to do,” explained government aide Nancy McAllister. “They’ll get to talk to people and sign their name on things. We try to make them feel important.”
At publishing time, the senior citizens had reportedly taken a vote and decided to stop working again in January.
Nothing reported actually happened. This is satire, folks.
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Categories: Satire
They will also be supplied, at taxpayer expense, with an unlimited supply of adult diapers and clean cloths to wipe the drool off their chins.
Don’t forget, bibs too!!
It’s like ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ times three.
I blame lazy uninformed voters, constantly going back to their own vomit. They select candidates like they selected prom kings and queens when they were adolescent. Popularity contests and nothing else.
And just like some school election, they choose the candidate that promises them free ice cream…
While we are being entertained by satire, the Trump and Epstein freight train loaded with hundreds of web sights exposing evil are roaring down the track headed for the cliff that exposes the truth. Comment from Richard Day
Hope it snares more than Trump. I remember years back about the House of Reps chair Wilbur Mills and Fanny Fox having an affair in the Tide Water place in DC and was caught. Sex and politics are hand and hand. Lust is everywhere. Ask Billy C.
Thanks to technology, we now have a contraption called ‘auto-pen’ which allows seniors to sign their name to critical documents just by winking their left eyelid. The latest installment of ‘auto-pen’ was implemented by the current president when he winked several times to pardon Darryl Strawberry, Glen Casada, and Michael McMahon, just to name a few. Fortunately, those who criticized prior presidents of using auto-pen to sign documents have learned their lesson and now allow the current president to use auto-pen to sign critical documents. There’s certainly no hypocrisy in their reasoning. They just understand that Trump was right about everything. 🙂
1 vs 2500 🤔. Interesting
This is 100% fake news.
President Trump signed eight of the nine pardons at issue by hand in my presence. He hand-signed the ninth in the presence of a member of my team and others.
We don’t autopen pardons in this Administration
https://www.westernjournal.com/trumps-assistant-room-time-shreds-aps-fake-news-story-suggesting-autopen-usage/?utm_source=email&utm_medium=top-news-alert&utm_campaign=news-alert&utm_content=2025-11-17
Before the Trump and Epstein drama there was a group called THE FINDERS and has the same play book. This is not for the timid minds to review.